Life Changing – today a bit different, due to a lovely fellow blogger who is going through changes…
I’ve been thinking for some time to write this post. I normally write just a few lines here, cause people usually don’t read. I seldom share personal things. Now it felt right to do it. Long post; if you don’t read I can understand. But if you do, thank you so much! If you wish, share your stories! Having a baby, moving to another city, country, a new job… there are so many “life changing” stories!
The very lovely Jessica from Chronically Vintage is going through a life changing event. Her house was burnt to the ground with all she and her husband had and even their cat They saved their dog, thankfully. If you wish to help, there’s a site to do so. Today, some words to remind all of us that life can change in the blink of an eye and that we should never take things for granted.
I have shared with a few blogger friends what happened to me 5 years ago. I don’t want to take the focus from what happened to Jessica, also not comparing. It was a different life changing event. I thought that the two stories are life changing and that it was good to talk about it. As I said, share your stories of life changing events. After all, rejoice for being alive! Blogging helped me to keep sane!
Both my parents unexpectedly passed away 5 years ago. You read it well, both. From one day to the other I found myself without my beloved parents. I lived in another country, which doubled the pain. My mother was alive for some days after my dad died, so I could fly to see her and I saw her dying Feelings and healing time are different for each person. Shock, denial, anger, apathy, so on.
I was writing my Master’s thesis and would have 3 exams when they died. I don’t know how I was able to finish my 2 Masters. I studied and cried, again and again.
For 3 years, I couldn’t talk about it, otherwise I’d burst in tears. The pain is just unbearable, to lose both parents at the same time, being still young. But I learned a lot – that when you’re happy and smiley (what I usually am) you have a lot of fake friends. They stop talking to you when you’re sad. Your true friends understand you, give you space and will be there for you when you’re ready.
I learned that if you don’t know what to say, be honest and say that. You can’t imagine what I have heard. From people I used to call friends. Some examples:
► “Your parents lived enough and could die. You have to understand that people die. It could be worse.” (My mother was still young, the same age of the mother of this person, when she told me that.)
► “You can’t be happy anymore, right? Well, I have problems with people who have your attitude.” (2 months after it happened.)
► “I hope now you see that makeup and contact lenses are not important.” (A female professor who didn’t want me to wear makeup. Why?)
► “Your life seems to be problem-less, but look, you have a problem, you don’t have parents anymore.” (I should have said: thank you for your words, I feel so much better after you told me that!)
► “My father’s death was worse than your parents’ death.” (What? Death contest???)
► “Com’on, you didn’t see them for a while, you won’t feel that bad.” (We often talked through phone and computer.)
► “I think that people who don’t enjoy eating, don’t have fun in life.” (At first, I couldn’t eat well. And fun wasn’t my goal at the time, obviously – I should have said that to the person.)
► “I envy you, you don’t have parents anymore, but you have properties, so it’s OK.”
The last point is pathetic. Many people ask me what I do and say “I envy you”. I understand, not in a bad way if they don’t know my story. I’m not guilty for having some good things, but they’re only material things. What should count is the character of a person. Apart from shelter, many things are superfluous. My best privilege was to have my parents. I would give ALL material things I have for the chance to hug my parents for 5 minutes again.
For all the bad things I have heard, there were human angels who supported me so much! I still think “I will call mum and dad to tell this and that!”, then I realize that I can’t call. I cannot share stories again
I put on 44 lbs (22 kg) after they died. I lost some, but not all. But now I am “fine” with that.
Two years ago I decided I’d honor my parents for giving me the wonderful gift called life. To continue parents’ legacy and celebrate their lives! It wasn’t easy. I needed to go on, to be happy for them. Every parent wishes kids to be happy. I now appreciate things much more, taking nothing for granted. I’m thankful for flowers, for being able to see, to walk, for many things. After losses, give yourself time to heal – you’re not expected to be perfect. Don’t be ashamed to be vulnerable.
Before we think we are the “best”, we should remember that life can change in a second. Never be arrogant! We can never judge people, because we don’t know what they are going through!